Brown Skin Beauty: Beauty In My Brown Skin
Hey There Lovlies,
This time around I thought I'd talk about something more personal. The majority of my posts are superficial; clothing, adventures, food, and they only say so much about me. This time I want to talk about something more personal, something that will get people thinking. Something that will tell you more about me.
When the word beauty comes to mind some people may think of makeup, fashionable clothing, certain kinds of hair, skin, teeth, and skin. Before, that was my idea of beauty. Wanting to look like one of the girls from the television screen or magazines; tall, long hair, colored eyes. Something that would make me look unique. But, I eventually realized that a majority of that was makeup, photoshop, and other unnatural techniques to make these girls look perfect. I was the short African American girl with short brown hair, brown eyes, athletic build, small bust, always playing sports, sometimes considered 'one of the guys'. I was something you didn't see often, if at all, on television or in magazines. So I didn't have much to compare myself to to make myself feel beautiful.
As I got older I stopped wanting to compare myself to girls on the TV and magazines. I wanted to be the most beautiful me I could possibly be. I wanted to be the most beautiful Carla Renee that could ever exist because I knew God gave me something that no one could ever take or compare; my beauty. My beauty isn't just my physical appearance. It's my poise, my heart, my strength, my drive, and my courage.
When I am around people I want to have the kind of presence that lets people know that I am respectable, yet fun to be around. When I'm around people I want them to hear and see the happiness and innocence in my laughter and smile. That no man will EVER think twice about calling me anything other than my name. That when it comes to dealing with me you must come correct. I want people to know right off the bat that my heart is pure. That I am a sincere woman that means no harm and only wants the best for herself and everyone around her. That when people witness my courage, strength, and determination it will leave them in awe. That when they see me hard at work all they can say is 'Wow, that girl is going somewhere. She is going to be somebody'.
When people see me I don't want them to tell me that I am pretty for being a black girl. I want to make sure that the last thing they ever think of when they see me are the girls on WorldStar. When people see me I want them to think. 'wow, this girl is beautiful. Not only because she is physically attractive, but because she is a strong-willed, high spirited woman with a pure heart who knows what she wants in life and is loving and nurturing to those around her.' I am proud to stand tall at 5'2 with a pure heart, strong willed, and poise like no other. I'm not perfect now but I am working towards being the perfect Carla Renee that God has planned for me to be.
My Brown Skin Beauty isn't limited to no one ethnicity or background. This can apply to anyone and everyone. So what is your Brown Skin Beauty?
Yours Truly,
Carla Renee
xoxo
This time around I thought I'd talk about something more personal. The majority of my posts are superficial; clothing, adventures, food, and they only say so much about me. This time I want to talk about something more personal, something that will get people thinking. Something that will tell you more about me.
When the word beauty comes to mind some people may think of makeup, fashionable clothing, certain kinds of hair, skin, teeth, and skin. Before, that was my idea of beauty. Wanting to look like one of the girls from the television screen or magazines; tall, long hair, colored eyes. Something that would make me look unique. But, I eventually realized that a majority of that was makeup, photoshop, and other unnatural techniques to make these girls look perfect. I was the short African American girl with short brown hair, brown eyes, athletic build, small bust, always playing sports, sometimes considered 'one of the guys'. I was something you didn't see often, if at all, on television or in magazines. So I didn't have much to compare myself to to make myself feel beautiful.
As I got older I stopped wanting to compare myself to girls on the TV and magazines. I wanted to be the most beautiful me I could possibly be. I wanted to be the most beautiful Carla Renee that could ever exist because I knew God gave me something that no one could ever take or compare; my beauty. My beauty isn't just my physical appearance. It's my poise, my heart, my strength, my drive, and my courage.
When I am around people I want to have the kind of presence that lets people know that I am respectable, yet fun to be around. When I'm around people I want them to hear and see the happiness and innocence in my laughter and smile. That no man will EVER think twice about calling me anything other than my name. That when it comes to dealing with me you must come correct. I want people to know right off the bat that my heart is pure. That I am a sincere woman that means no harm and only wants the best for herself and everyone around her. That when people witness my courage, strength, and determination it will leave them in awe. That when they see me hard at work all they can say is 'Wow, that girl is going somewhere. She is going to be somebody'.
When people see me I don't want them to tell me that I am pretty for being a black girl. I want to make sure that the last thing they ever think of when they see me are the girls on WorldStar. When people see me I want them to think. 'wow, this girl is beautiful. Not only because she is physically attractive, but because she is a strong-willed, high spirited woman with a pure heart who knows what she wants in life and is loving and nurturing to those around her.' I am proud to stand tall at 5'2 with a pure heart, strong willed, and poise like no other. I'm not perfect now but I am working towards being the perfect Carla Renee that God has planned for me to be.
My Brown Skin Beauty isn't limited to no one ethnicity or background. This can apply to anyone and everyone. So what is your Brown Skin Beauty?
Yours Truly,
Carla Renee
xoxo
February 14th, a Day for Everyone
Besides the by default valentines that I got in school I've only had a real valentine once and that was about 3 years ago. Before and after that one instance of having a valentine I never really liked Valentine's Day. I was either Anti-Valentine's Day or Happy Single Awareness day, credit goes to Joseph Vincent's 2012 song "S.A.D. (Single Awareness Day)" , as bitter as that sounds I enjoyed it. Valentine's day is a week away and couples are being extra cute and trying to plan out what they're going to do for the holiday of romance. As of now I do not have a valentine and I probably won't have one.
This year I plan on doing something different. Instead of Valentine's Day being Anti-Valentine or "Single Awareness Day" February 14th will be Reminiscent Day. Everyone has had at least one person in their life that has made them feel loved or allowed them to experience some kind of emotion that made them feel good. Whether that person was a lover or a really close friend. On February 14th think back on the people that made you smile, laugh, feel important, feel special, feel weightless, feel loved, or made you see life in a whole new positive perspective. Whether they are still in your life or not, they meant something to you. Whether you and the other person ended on mutual or not so good terms if it wasn't for them you wouldn't be able to say that you know what it feels like to be with someone who makes you happy and that you can be yourself with no cares or fears. After all, why resent something that once meant so much to you? Because of those people you have the experience of those kinds of feelings that you can express to the next love interest you meet. You can show them how it feels to feel the feelings you once felt and if this person is the one they too can be the reason why you feel those feelings again and some even greater.
The people in your past taught you how to love and how it feels to be loved right. They also taught you how to be strong and how to let go. So on February 14th don't feel left out if you don't have a valentine. On February 14th revisit the memories you have of when times were good and love was once true in it's own special way. Be appreciative of those memories and embrace them because one day you'll find someone who will make any day feel like Valentine's Day. Someone you can love and express your unconditional appreciation to. Someone who will love you the way you once were and more, will be standing right in front of you
Your Truly,
Carla Renee
xoxo
Looking back on 2013 and feeling hopeful for 2014
Hey lovelies! It looks like we made it through another year! 2013 had a few monumental moments: I turned 18 in April, I graduated high school in June, and I moved away for college at the end of August. I've had a lot of fun in college and I've learned a lot about myself. Even though 2013 had great moments for me there were some hardships here in there throughout the year. I had stumbled, faltered, and lost direction at one point. But through the good and bad I learned a lot, grew from my struggles, and I look forward to the upcoming year.
Now that the year has ended a new one has begun it is time to make some expectations for 2014. It's common for people to have "New Year Resolutions" but to be honest those resolutions only last about 2 or 3 months max. I used to write resolutions and they would only last about two months at the most.
Starting this coming year I won't have an New Year Resolutions. My main focus for this year and many years to come is self improvement. Becoming a better and stronger person is an ongoing process that never ends. I want to work on being a better person than I was in 2013 and years before that. I wouldn't call them New Year Resolutions but this year I want to make sure that I don't repeat last year. I don't want to make the same mistakes I did last year. I want to be more willing to put myself out there and truly strive for whatever it is that I want. I want to continue being humble and staying healthy and becoming healthier. I don't expect to see immediate results from anything that I do because I know it's going to be a never ending process and my results will become visible in the long run.
Yours Truly,
Carla Renee
xoxo
So what are some of your goals and aspirations for 2014?
Now that the year has ended a new one has begun it is time to make some expectations for 2014. It's common for people to have "New Year Resolutions" but to be honest those resolutions only last about 2 or 3 months max. I used to write resolutions and they would only last about two months at the most.
Starting this coming year I won't have an New Year Resolutions. My main focus for this year and many years to come is self improvement. Becoming a better and stronger person is an ongoing process that never ends. I want to work on being a better person than I was in 2013 and years before that. I wouldn't call them New Year Resolutions but this year I want to make sure that I don't repeat last year. I don't want to make the same mistakes I did last year. I want to be more willing to put myself out there and truly strive for whatever it is that I want. I want to continue being humble and staying healthy and becoming healthier. I don't expect to see immediate results from anything that I do because I know it's going to be a never ending process and my results will become visible in the long run.
Yours Truly,
Carla Renee
xoxo
So what are some of your goals and aspirations for 2014?
Getting Out of My Comfort Zone
So in my last post I talked about going out and living life and today I did just that, but not by my own will necessarily. Today was a beautiful day in San Francisco. I was texting a guy friend of mine and he also agreed that today was a nice day. A little further into our conversation he asked if I wanted to sit in the grass with him on campus. Me being the dorky somewhat smitten girl that I am, I was totally blushing, but I said yes. Thank God we were texting, if we were in person that would have been so embarrassing. When we met up he instantly started conversation. Asking me how my day was and what was new with me. It was nice. After finally finding a nice place in the sun to sit we sat down in the grass and started talking more. He asked me about my love for volleyball and I asked him about his love for his sport. We talked about school, growing up, and how it's okay to be kid sometimes. It was such a refreshing feeling to have someone interested in my interests and listening to what I have to say. I'm not gonna lie, I had a crush on him before this day, but when it was just the two of us sitting in the grass enjoying the sun I started to like him more. He had to leave because there were some things he had to take care of, but he walked me halfway to my dorm and we talked more. We were laughing and chatting and I was holding onto his arm while we were walking. I had never held onto his arm before, but it felt right. After a certain point we hugged and said our goodbyes. I walked the rest of the way to my dorm all smiles. Looking like the dorky somewhat smitten girl that I am. I wonder if this is what it's like to take things slow or maybe I'm just way in over my head. Regardless, I've never had such a simple day with someone before, especially with a guy. He's definitely something different. But, it's a good different. A different I like. I really hope we get more days together like these.
Just Breathe
So far I'm about 3 months into my first semester of college. I only have about a month left before the semester is over and today was like any other day, me trying to survive the day. Walking out of my last class with a friend, we were talking about how much effort should be put into college work. I'm putting all of my effort into my school work while my friend kind of isn't. His response to that was, "I have other important things to do. Like hang out with my roommates, go outside, and just live." I had no idea how to respond to that. He took me by surprise. Before leaving he said, "You'll understand eventually."
After he left I thought about what he said. I had been so wrapped up and stressed out about school work that I haven't been living. I've just been going through the motions of waking up, going to class, doing homework, studying for long hours, and napping whenever I wasn't in class or had an exam to study for or a paper to write. It kind of makes me laugh now that I've realized this because wasn't living the reason why I moved away from home in the first place?
I came to San Francisco to explore and experience a new pace of living. To find myself and feed my passion for writing and photography. I came to San Francisco to reinvent myself; to expose myself to something unfamiliar and let myself blossom to my fullest potential. Looking back, I had a plan. I was going to get into photography more and write more and just live more. But I haven't been doing that. I've been so focused on making sure that I get into the nursing program by getting straight A's that I haven't been living. Now that I think about it, once I get into the nursing program and get my degree what kind of stories can I tell about my college life if all I did was go to class and live in the library? None.
From this point on I am making it a goal and a promise to myself to live. To just breathe and take in the sights and appreciate life for what it is. Because after I accomplish my professional goals I have nothing else to show for my life. I don't want my life to be all about my career. I want my life to be about me and the things I love so that I can pass it onto my kids and my kids can pass stories about my life onto their children.
Now, with this proclamation I'm not saying I'm not gonna try and aim for A's anymore, I am. My goal is to get A's in college. A's just aren't gonna be my life anymore. I'm going to wake up early in the mornings and not stay in bed all the time. I'm going to blog more and devote more time to learning more about photography. I'm going to try and rekindle my passion for music and possibly relearn the piano (maybe). I'm going to set time out to write more. I'm going to explore when my schedule allows me to. I'm going to be successful in school and enjoy the finer things in life; my passions.
I'm going to do all of these things because I want to do all of these things. I'm making it a promise to myself to do all of these things because when I look back on my life I want to be able to say I accomplished something more than just a career, I want to be able to say I accomplished happiness and meaning of life.
Sometimes you just have to breathe.
San Francisco
Feels pretty normal here already. I barely moved in today and I feel like I've been here for a couple of days. Oddly enough I'm not sad or emotional at all. Not a single tear has fallen. But I feel comfortable. The weather is amazing and the atmosphere is so different. Not a culture shock or anything. I'll probably feel really good about everything when classes start. I'll have homework and maybe even a job some time soon. It'll feel really good. My roommate is pretty chill too. It's only been the first day meeting in person so I'm not going to make quick assumptions. Well, there's more adventures and people to be met. But for right now, I've been awake and active since 3am. I'm exhausted. Goodnight. ^__^
Autumn/Winter Check List
Since I'm transitioning from being a high school student to young college student in a matter of days I felt it to be necessary to create a check list. I guess you can call it a check list or a "To Do List". But uhm, yeah. I'm moving in a few days!! From Southern California to Northern California, San Francisco to be exact. So because it's a completely new environment I felt it would be a perfect fit to change a few things up.
So my Autumn Check/ "To Do" List consists of...... *Drum Rolls*
- New Food Experiences
- I hear San Francisco is FULL of different types of food and it's time to be daring! See what kind of foods will be "in style" for Autumn/Winter Bay living. :D
- Hiking/Beach Trips
- Maybe I'm pushing it with this one! Since I will be in school, but I'm sure I can find a day or two out of the semester where I can go off and adventure the coast. I've been up to SF and it's been cloudy in the middle of July. So a beach/hike trip won't hurt, I think it'll be beautiful and I won't sweat. :P
- Photography Sessions!
- I don't know if I'll have my camera yet but if all else fails, smartphone photography will temporarily have to do. I've always been fond of photography and I think SF will definitely get my creative juices flowing.
- Autumn/Winter Fashion?
- I was always a "whatever feels comfortable, I'll wear it" kinda girl. But where I used to live the weather was fairly the same year round. No matter the season. Up North, they get their seasons! So I'm excited for what fashion shenanigans San Francisco has in store for me! I'm getting pretty excited just thinking about it.
- Can't Forget My Passion of Writing
- I've been writing short stories, dialogues, and poems of a few specific genres for about 3 years now, but lately I've been away from the pen and paper. I think San Francisco will reignite that passion again. So that's also on my list. I might even post a few on here as well!
And Lastly,
- BLOG MORE!
- I've had several blogs before in the past and I just let them die out. But not this time!! This blog is here to stay. More Blogging will come. Interesting things about me and my interests, pictures of my adventures are sure to come and definitely pictures from my adventures fulfilling my "To Do" List will certainly be up here.
I won't be doing it alone though! I plan on having new friends tag along with me. So that we can experience all of these crazy things together. It's time to knock life off its routine and be a little more spontaneous! ^_^
-Warm Regards,
Carla Renee \(^_^)/
Letting Go and Moving On
Sometimes there are things we just don't have control over. We can try as hard as we want, but if you did all that you can do and it wasn't enough, it's okay. It's even okay to cry. Breakdown, cry and cry. But only for a little while. It's okay to feel hurt and disappointment and fear and like everything is spinning out of your control. We're human. These emotions are going to happen and it's best to just let them happen.
I can say this because I recently went through this myself. For a long time I had blamed myself for what had happened and I let it eat me alive. I kept it in and let in build up inside for months. Holding it all inside changed me for the worst as a person and a friend. I was blind to the ways I was acting and no one could tell me anything. But one night it finally got to me and I cried. I cried and I cried and I finally told myself that I need to let go. I did all I can do and it's time to let go. Start over, it's okay. Stop doing this to yourself. My closest friends helped me by being completely real and honest with me that night. Was it hard to hear some of the things they told me? Of course, hearing the truth about yourself from someone else is always the hardest part. But ever since that night I've felt lighter and more at ease. It's a crazy turn-around for me forsure. Do I cry now? Well, this was recent so it still hurts a little. I cry a little but it isn't as bad as it was before. These little cries are me getting rid of all of what I was holding onto before. I'll be completely free of it soon, I can feel it and from this I can move on and do for me. So from this experience I learned that it's okay to cry. I have to let go, I have to be able to accept that not everything is gonna go the way I want it to, I have to be honest with myself and not let me emotions get the best of me. From this will I build walls around my heart? Of course, it's my defense mechanism. But they're not impenetrable walls. These walls are built because I have grown wiser, even in my young age. The walls will remain, I'll just be careful with who it is I let in past these walls. My heart isn't on display anymore like I used to have it. I have learned, I've grown, I've accepted, I've adapted.
I can say this because I recently went through this myself. For a long time I had blamed myself for what had happened and I let it eat me alive. I kept it in and let in build up inside for months. Holding it all inside changed me for the worst as a person and a friend. I was blind to the ways I was acting and no one could tell me anything. But one night it finally got to me and I cried. I cried and I cried and I finally told myself that I need to let go. I did all I can do and it's time to let go. Start over, it's okay. Stop doing this to yourself. My closest friends helped me by being completely real and honest with me that night. Was it hard to hear some of the things they told me? Of course, hearing the truth about yourself from someone else is always the hardest part. But ever since that night I've felt lighter and more at ease. It's a crazy turn-around for me forsure. Do I cry now? Well, this was recent so it still hurts a little. I cry a little but it isn't as bad as it was before. These little cries are me getting rid of all of what I was holding onto before. I'll be completely free of it soon, I can feel it and from this I can move on and do for me. So from this experience I learned that it's okay to cry. I have to let go, I have to be able to accept that not everything is gonna go the way I want it to, I have to be honest with myself and not let me emotions get the best of me. From this will I build walls around my heart? Of course, it's my defense mechanism. But they're not impenetrable walls. These walls are built because I have grown wiser, even in my young age. The walls will remain, I'll just be careful with who it is I let in past these walls. My heart isn't on display anymore like I used to have it. I have learned, I've grown, I've accepted, I've adapted.
Beginning a Whole New Chapter
It's already July. That is so hard to believe. I graduated high school a month ago and will start college in about a month. It's also hard to believe that I'll be moving on my own pretty soon. Not only am I going on my own, but I'm moving all the way to San Francisco. Moving from Southern California to Northern California is such a big deal for me. I'm leaving family and friends behind to go to school in San Francisco. Wow....
My biggest fear is leaving my close friends here the most. They have become my family and I just don't wanna leave them behind. Everyone is staying in Southern California but me. Honestly, it's okay. I need this move for me. I'm sure they'll understand.
For awhile I tried to make sense of why the heck I decided to attend San Francisco State instead of going to CSULB or CSUSB, where I was accepted as well. But honestly, now, I've come to terms of why I decided to move away. Southern California has been the only place I've ever really lived. Long Beach and San Bernardino, I've been there, it's something I'm familiar with.
I want unfamiliarity in this new chapter of life for me. That's why it's new. I've never been to San Francisco and it'll be new. Up north the culture seems richer and the pace of life is a little more relaxed, which I feel like I will love. But I really wanted to go somewhere different like San Francisco because there is so much world to see and there is so much more world to see than just Southern California. Because I'm just 18 and it's my first time on my own I wanted to start off small. Northern California is far from where I'm from, a different pace of life, but close enough for me if I needed my family. I'm just thrilled and ecstatic and overjoyed to start this new chapter of my life. Turning over a new leaf. Starting somewhere fresh with a new environment and a new and refined me. It's what I need.
My biggest fear is leaving my close friends here the most. They have become my family and I just don't wanna leave them behind. Everyone is staying in Southern California but me. Honestly, it's okay. I need this move for me. I'm sure they'll understand.
For awhile I tried to make sense of why the heck I decided to attend San Francisco State instead of going to CSULB or CSUSB, where I was accepted as well. But honestly, now, I've come to terms of why I decided to move away. Southern California has been the only place I've ever really lived. Long Beach and San Bernardino, I've been there, it's something I'm familiar with.
I want unfamiliarity in this new chapter of life for me. That's why it's new. I've never been to San Francisco and it'll be new. Up north the culture seems richer and the pace of life is a little more relaxed, which I feel like I will love. But I really wanted to go somewhere different like San Francisco because there is so much world to see and there is so much more world to see than just Southern California. Because I'm just 18 and it's my first time on my own I wanted to start off small. Northern California is far from where I'm from, a different pace of life, but close enough for me if I needed my family. I'm just thrilled and ecstatic and overjoyed to start this new chapter of my life. Turning over a new leaf. Starting somewhere fresh with a new environment and a new and refined me. It's what I need.
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