Sometimes there are things we just don't have control over. We can try as hard as we want, but if you did all that you can do and it wasn't enough, it's okay. It's even okay to cry. Breakdown, cry and cry. But only for a little while. It's okay to feel hurt and disappointment and fear and like everything is spinning out of your control. We're human. These emotions are going to happen and it's best to just let them happen.
I can say this because I recently went through this myself. For a long time I had blamed myself for what had happened and I let it eat me alive. I kept it in and let in build up inside for months. Holding it all inside changed me for the worst as a person and a friend. I was blind to the ways I was acting and no one could tell me anything. But one night it finally got to me and I cried. I cried and I cried and I finally told myself that I need to let go. I did all I can do and it's time to let go. Start over, it's okay. Stop doing this to yourself. My closest friends helped me by being completely real and honest with me that night. Was it hard to hear some of the things they told me? Of course, hearing the truth about yourself from someone else is always the hardest part. But ever since that night I've felt lighter and more at ease. It's a crazy turn-around for me forsure. Do I cry now? Well, this was recent so it still hurts a little. I cry a little but it isn't as bad as it was before. These little cries are me getting rid of all of what I was holding onto before. I'll be completely free of it soon, I can feel it and from this I can move on and do for me. So from this experience I learned that it's okay to cry. I have to let go, I have to be able to accept that not everything is gonna go the way I want it to, I have to be honest with myself and not let my emotions get the best of me. From this will I build walls around my heart? Of course, it's my defense mechanism. But they're not impenetrable walls. These walls are built because I have grown wiser, even in my young age. The walls will remain, I'll just be careful with who it is I let in past these walls. My heart isn't on display anymore like I used to have it. I have learned, I've grown, I've accepted, I've adapted.
Friday, July 5, 2013
Beginning a Whole New Chapter
It's already July. That is so hard to believe. I graduated high school a month ago and will start college in about a month. It's also hard to believe that I'll be moving on my own pretty soon. Not only am I going on my own, but I'm moving all the way to San Francisco. Moving from Southern California to Northern California is such a big deal for me. I'm leaving family and friends behind to go to school in San Francisco. Wow....
My biggest fear is leaving my close friends here the most. They have become my family and I just don't wanna leave them behind. Everyone is staying in Southern California but me. Honestly, it's okay. I need this move for me. I'm sure they'll understand.
For awhile I tried to make sense of why the heck I decided to attend San Francisco State instead of going to CSULB or CSUSB, where I was accepted as well. But honestly, now, I've come to terms of why I decided to move away. Southern California has been the only place I've ever really lived. Long Beach and San Bernardino, I've been there, it's something I'm familiar with.
I want unfamiliarity in this new chapter of life for me. That's why it's new. I've never been to San Francisco and it'll be new. Up north the culture seems richer and the pace of life is a little more relaxed, which I feel like I will love. But I really wanted to go somewhere different like San Francisco because there is so much world to see and there is so much more world to see than just Southern California. Because I'm just 18 and it's my first time on my own I wanted to start off small. Northern California is far from where I'm from, a different pace of life, but close enough for me if I needed my family. I'm just thrilled and ecstatic and overjoyed to start this new chapter of my life. Turning over a new leaf. Starting somewhere fresh with a new environment and a new and refined me. It's what I need.
My biggest fear is leaving my close friends here the most. They have become my family and I just don't wanna leave them behind. Everyone is staying in Southern California but me. Honestly, it's okay. I need this move for me. I'm sure they'll understand.
For awhile I tried to make sense of why the heck I decided to attend San Francisco State instead of going to CSULB or CSUSB, where I was accepted as well. But honestly, now, I've come to terms of why I decided to move away. Southern California has been the only place I've ever really lived. Long Beach and San Bernardino, I've been there, it's something I'm familiar with.
I want unfamiliarity in this new chapter of life for me. That's why it's new. I've never been to San Francisco and it'll be new. Up north the culture seems richer and the pace of life is a little more relaxed, which I feel like I will love. But I really wanted to go somewhere different like San Francisco because there is so much world to see and there is so much more world to see than just Southern California. Because I'm just 18 and it's my first time on my own I wanted to start off small. Northern California is far from where I'm from, a different pace of life, but close enough for me if I needed my family. I'm just thrilled and ecstatic and overjoyed to start this new chapter of my life. Turning over a new leaf. Starting somewhere fresh with a new environment and a new and refined me. It's what I need.
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